Event #1: Café Feministique
In putting together this project, I am attending events that discuss or touch on body image in order to hear as many views as I can on this topic. I want to get a head start on listening to people’s stories, even if they don’t make it to paper.
The first event I have been to was Café Feministique’s ‘Our Body, Our Mind,’ hosted by Women Conversation: Leeds. Café Feministique is a place welcome to all women who want to speak about that month’s topic, understand others and connect ideas.
While this anthology is not exclusively for women, I found it useful to attend an event centred around discussion that I could fully relate to and recognise from my own experiences. Body image can be a difficult subject to open up about, something that the women there facilitated, not only through being engaged listeners but being brave enough to share their own thoughts.
From the two-hour session, I was left with a wave of positive encouragement. Out of all the messages I had received that evening, there were three key points I wanted to share:
1. Think about what feeling powerful in your body means to you
When asked to define feeling powerful in our bodies, quite a few women didn’t have an immediate answer. It wasn’t something that had been considered before. At first, it was trying to work out whether being powerful was synonymous with feeling confident. For some, this was definitely the case. There was the example of putting on a new set of lingerie making you feel like you can conquer the world. For some of the mothers in the group, they felt most powerful when they were giving birth, feeling entirely connected to themselves.
An important part of this discussion was realising that power does not equate to strength. Feeling powerful in your body does not necessarily mean waking up believing that you are flawless. Nor does it mean you have to push another human out of your body to feel strong. Realising that vulnerability and empathy for your body is just as important as strength was a huge takeaway for me. No-one can be strong one hundred percent of the time, but you can be powerful.
2. Own your body
As ridiculous as it sounds, it’s important to remember your body really is… yours. Acting as if your body is a lump of flesh to be modified and hidden to suit others’ opinions only makes it more alien to you. Whether it be with your weight, body hair, tattoos, the choice is truly yours. If the world of choice is intimidating, it’s good to remember that not everything you express with your body needs to have conviction. Trying something new? Allow yourself to be a little shy with it. Take time to work out what feels best for you. The aspects you might not be able to change; scars, birthmarks, bone structure – these are yours too. There can be a lot of comfort in treating your body as a whole package to be appreciated.
This conversation also brought out a couple of women who spoke briefly about their experiences with abuse. These were women who had had their bodies violated and had begun to associate their bodies and body image with these negative thoughts. I am grateful to say this is not something I can personally relate to; however, the idea that reclaiming what is theirs as a contribution to recovery is something I wholeheartedly support.
3. Have some damn respect
While we are so busy attacking our bodies, wondering why it does that, or why it looks that way, it is often forgotten that our body does more than just appear to us in a mirror. It is something that has carried us throughout our life, shifting and changing through every major event we have been through – and it’s still going.
I like the idea of trying to waste less time on wishing away parts of myself. Because that’s what it is – a waste of time. I would rather fill that time with recognising that my body is where it is today because of who I am and what I have done. That does not mean body-love needs to be the alternative to body-hatred; that’s not a quick-fix nor an easy goal. Let us instead work on respect and acceptance.
This was my first Café Feministique event, but I have since attended their latest meet-up on ‘Women and Power in 2019’ which was another fantastic session. The influence a good discussion can have on your mind is inspiring.
Let me know your thoughts, and feel free to use these points as prompts for your submission if they sparked something in you.
The Resilience of Being 